It's almost that time. After the most brutal (and only) season the Blood SBowl league has ever seen, we're only two games away from the playoffs. I'll make a post detailing some league stats once the final week of the regular season has concluded, but for now congratulations to championship hopefuls THE DUNK SQUAD, Bone Again, The Lustful Lizards, and Yoloin Biatches! Team profiles follow:
THE DUNK SQUAD
The most feared team in the league, this slow-rolling dwarven deathsquad owes their playoff position almost entirely to two key players: runner Duerrim, a strong candidate for best rusher in the league, and the unstoppable killing machine Hagan Drek-Troll, who is likely to go home with the league MVP award even if he doesn't manage to capture the championship. Their "punch first, don't ask questions later because that's really time that you could be using to punch some more" style of Blood Bowl has proven to be very effective, clinching them the top position in the league's regular season. A brief interview with THE DUNK SQUAD's coaching staff revealed that only the runners have actually been taught the rules of the game; the rest of the team believes that this whole thing is some sort of elaborate fight club, and it is only the power of their racism that has ensured that they punch the opposing team instead of each other. An unusual strategy to be sure, but it's hard to argue with the results!
Bone Again
Laboring under not one, not two, but FOURTEEN ancient curses placed on various players and support staff by different priests, witches, and warlocks that they've managed to offend, this plucky necromantic squad has managed to limp into the playoffs despite a plague of injuries. Supporters of the club, colloquially known as Boners, say that the team's incredible resilience can be attributed to a pair of expert carpenters who spend hours before every game reinforcing their zombies with nails and random bits of wood that they've pried out of the stands. If true, one wonders why these carpenters can't be bothered to help the perpetually injured wights and flesh golems that (occasionally) form the backbone of the team's defense. Fortunately, fan (and manager) favorites Growl and Howl have managed to avoid the curses thus far, allowing them to carry their team kicking and screaming into competition for the cup.
The Lustful Lizards
Long regarded as the best way for at-risk skinks to escape their circumstances, the Lustful Lizards recruit almost entirely from poor, high-crime areas of Lustria. Their coaching staff assures us that these lizards are both more determined and better at taking a beating than their well-off counterparts from Tlaxtlan. The Lustrian coaching staff has managed to forge their offbeat recruits into arguably the best-balanced team in the league, capable of both figuratively stunning feats of agility and literally stunning feats of extreme violence. The Lizards boast both the best running game in the league and one of the highest rates of injuries dealt, with every single skink and saurus making significant contribution to the team's regular season run. Rookie kroxigor Chupacabra has yet to prove himself, but since all he has to do is be imposing and crack some skulls we're confident that he'll figure his role out.
Yoloin Biatches
This Amazon squad lives for risk, playing harder and less safely than anyone else both on and off the field. Rookie Biatches aren't even allowed onto the pitch until they've survived a dozen Yoloin halftime shows, which often include spectacles such death-defying leaps through rings of flame, gator baiting, and 12 or more rounds of bareknuckle boxing. Once she's made the team proper, each woman is expected to throw full-body blocks, dive desperately after fallen balls, leap dramatically over enemy defenders, and basically endanger her life at every available opportunity, often with little or no justification. As such, any Amazon worth her salt has suffered at least a dozen concussions and is constantly covered in bruises and contusions. Their tendency toward ridiculous stunts and outrageous upsets has not gone unnoticed by fans, earning them a tremendous and rabid following. This squad has a long-standing and mostly one-sided rivalry with the necromantic team Bone Again, whose very existence flies in the face of all that it is to only live once.
Good luck to everybody in the playoffs!
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