Unsurprisingly, the Norse team played the aggressor, throwing more than three times as many blocks as their opponents and scoring nearly three times as many successes.
Y.o.l.o. 1 - 1 The Broman Empire
An ominous storm rolled in as the teams set up, blacking out the sun ominously. The fans worried that this presaged a horrible game full of bloodless shoving and (ugh) scoring, and the first drive nearly bore their fears out. The Broman yhetee broke the potential curse just as the otherwise uneventful play ended, however, sinking his comically oversized claws into Ardtrai the Drinker while Broseidon crossed the goal line. The game continued to tip in the Empire's favor during the second drive as muscular Norse limbs kept finding their way past flimsy human armor, resulting in broken ribs for Goin Deep, two KOs dealt out by Hulk Brogan, and a stunned Yolo Throws dropping the ball right into enemy hands. (Human blitzer Jek the Bawler deserves special mention here for expertly fending off block after block from the Norse without so much as a scratch even as his teammates went to pieces--sometimes literally--around him.) The Broman luck with striking did not extend to ball handling, however, and a series of turnovers by both teams prevented any further scoring during the half.
The sun pierced the clouds during half time, perhaps indicating a change in Y.o.l.o.'s fortunes. That hope got off to a rocky start, however, as the Abominable Broman continued doing the only thing he's good at and sent Jek the Punisher off the field in a pile. Yolo Throws returned the kickoff and showed some ferocity of his own, blitzing down the oncoming Brobi-Wan Kenobi to open a path. Broto Baggins quickly closed it, however, sending Throws to have a relaxing chat with the astrogranite. Morgan Freeman suffered a brutal Norse clothesline as he dashed to claim the ball, but his flailing body knocked the ball right back into Yolo Throws's hands as he recovered. It couldn't have gone better if Freeman had planned it (and, given his history, it probably would have gone worse if he had). Yolo Throws dashed downfield, surviving several attempts to bring him down before the Norse managed to surround and brutalize him. The ball bounced clear into the stands and the rowdy crowd, apparently eager either to see the humans redeem themselves or to give the Norse an excuse for more violence, hurled the ball toward the Norse backfield. Veteran passer G.I. Bro scooped up the "fumble" and attempted a pass, but all the flop sweat pouring off of him must have interfered with his grip and he dropped the ball, making room for blitzer Harold Dalrymple to sneak in and take off with it. The Norse put up an impressive defense, several of them managing to get a hand on Dalrymple during his dash, but no one was able to stop him from scoring the tying point. In the confusion, most people didn't notice Morgan Freeman tripping over his own feet as he fled from a particularly intimidating Norseman. Our sources in the Broman organization tell us that the shattered collarbone he sustained in the fall is only the third worst injury that he has inflicted on himself during his career, and really pales in comparison to that time he managed to get his own shin bone jammed into his eye during practice.
The final drive of the game showed lackluster offense from first the Norse and then the humans (after Bring It headbutted Brofessor X sufficiently hard to make him drop the ball), neither team entertaining any notion of actually scoring during the final seconds. Broto Baggins brought the game to a close with a bang by launching himself bodily at the seemingly invincible Jek the Bawler, hitting hard enough to smash his own hip on impact but not somehow not hard enough to bring Jek down or indeed to even make him notice what had happened.
Asked after the game how he had survived the brutal Norse onslaught, successfully fending off attackers through an impressive 10 attempts on his life, Jek the Bawler simply snorted derisively while gesturing to his team's casualty box, quipping "I don't know what their problem was. Didn't seem so tough to me."
The sun pierced the clouds during half time, perhaps indicating a change in Y.o.l.o.'s fortunes. That hope got off to a rocky start, however, as the Abominable Broman continued doing the only thing he's good at and sent Jek the Punisher off the field in a pile. Yolo Throws returned the kickoff and showed some ferocity of his own, blitzing down the oncoming Brobi-Wan Kenobi to open a path. Broto Baggins quickly closed it, however, sending Throws to have a relaxing chat with the astrogranite. Morgan Freeman suffered a brutal Norse clothesline as he dashed to claim the ball, but his flailing body knocked the ball right back into Yolo Throws's hands as he recovered. It couldn't have gone better if Freeman had planned it (and, given his history, it probably would have gone worse if he had). Yolo Throws dashed downfield, surviving several attempts to bring him down before the Norse managed to surround and brutalize him. The ball bounced clear into the stands and the rowdy crowd, apparently eager either to see the humans redeem themselves or to give the Norse an excuse for more violence, hurled the ball toward the Norse backfield. Veteran passer G.I. Bro scooped up the "fumble" and attempted a pass, but all the flop sweat pouring off of him must have interfered with his grip and he dropped the ball, making room for blitzer Harold Dalrymple to sneak in and take off with it. The Norse put up an impressive defense, several of them managing to get a hand on Dalrymple during his dash, but no one was able to stop him from scoring the tying point. In the confusion, most people didn't notice Morgan Freeman tripping over his own feet as he fled from a particularly intimidating Norseman. Our sources in the Broman organization tell us that the shattered collarbone he sustained in the fall is only the third worst injury that he has inflicted on himself during his career, and really pales in comparison to that time he managed to get his own shin bone jammed into his eye during practice.
The final drive of the game showed lackluster offense from first the Norse and then the humans (after Bring It headbutted Brofessor X sufficiently hard to make him drop the ball), neither team entertaining any notion of actually scoring during the final seconds. Broto Baggins brought the game to a close with a bang by launching himself bodily at the seemingly invincible Jek the Bawler, hitting hard enough to smash his own hip on impact but not somehow not hard enough to bring Jek down or indeed to even make him notice what had happened.
Asked after the game how he had survived the brutal Norse onslaught, successfully fending off attackers through an impressive 10 attempts on his life, Jek the Bawler simply snorted derisively while gesturing to his team's casualty box, quipping "I don't know what their problem was. Didn't seem so tough to me."
